The only thing I didn't mind about Vettel getting back to his winning ways, was that it was nice to hear The Michael Schumacher Song again (German/Italian national anthems) which I have sort of missed. They go together really well. For a long time I thought it was just because I was so used to Schumi winning all the time back in the early 2000's, but we've seen Seb and Lewis win quite a bit over the past few years and their mash ups don't sound nearly as good at The Michael Schumacher Song.

Speaking of good old Michael, I bet the reason Seb didn't do his little jump ON the podium was that such a move is probably trademarked by the 7 time champion.

I hope Fernando Alonso feels like a real jackass right about now. It would be one thing is Vettel was winning again in a Red Bull, but it is another thing that he is literally doing it in Fern's old ride. Alonso might not have been winning titles in that Ferrari, but he was always pretty competitive bar last year (but who was, other than Mercedes?) and should have had a bit more patience and just stayed put. It wasn't like he was under appreciated and inadequately compensated. I mean, maybe he'll win a title in the McLaren, but I doubt he'll stick around long enough for that engine to become competitive. That just seems to be the kind of guy he is. Always jumping around, landing in the wrong place at the wrong time in stop-gap cars.

As much as I appreciate Alonso and am sick of Vettel, I do respect Seb and am sorta kinda looking forward to seeing what Fernando can or can not do with this pig called a McLaren-Honda.

(AFP Photo/MANAN VATSYAYANA)

Lewis Hamilton, Throwing The Hammer Down!

True to my word, I have revived this blog, as Sebastian Vettel is no longer the reigning Formula 1 World Champion.

Once it became clear early on in the season that one of the Mercedes drivers was going to be WDC I found it hard to decide whom to pull for. While I've never disputed his speed or talent, Hamilton has often rubbed me the wrong way in the past, so early on I was leaning towards supporting Rosberg. Though as time wore on, between Lewis' undeniably awesome drives and Nico's continual devolution from a seemingly intelligent, well thought, racing driver to a rather smarmy, mildly desperate, best-of-the-rest racer I found myself hoping Hamilton would just embarrass his entitled rich boy teammate.

So in the end, I'm glad Hamilton won, as any other outcome would have been unsatisfactory. However, I am also glad Rosberg ended up losing in style, between refusing to retire his crippled car and then immediately going to congratulate Lewis. Nico definitely upped his stock doing those two things. Maybe if he ups his game, it would even be possible to root for him next year?

The main reason I don't entirely mind the dominance of Mercedes is the fact that it isn't completely one sided like the Red Bull dynasty was. At least Rosberg is winning races, consistently landing on the podium, staying in touch with his teammate, and generally making decent starts. Though that last start of Nico's looked like he was visited by the ghost of Mark Webber.

It was really satisfying seeing Vettel squirm this year in his Red Bull. If Ricciardo hadn't won a handful of races, it would be have been easy to forgive him and just say that he didn't have a car that could do the job, much like Alonso's Ferrari, but alas, we know that while Red Bull were beaten, the RB10 was in fact capable of winning races. I tell you, Ricciardo won a lot of fans that day he scored his maiden victory and kept on gaining more fans every time he bested Seb.

Another thing I was really glad to see was Williams' return to competitiveness. Years ago when I first started getting into F1, for some reason they became the British team I supported. I've stuck by them over the past decade, so it was nice seeing Bottas and little old Felipe up on the podium more often than not.

Speaking of Williams, you have no clue how happy I was to see that stupid turd Pastor Maldonado languish in that piece of shit Renault. While I kind of felt for Grosjean, I'm still pissed at him for fucking Alonso out of the 2012 title... Seriously though, I can't wait till Pastor's oil money dries up and he is out of F1. I have never disliked an F1 driver as much as I deplore him!

The only things I disliked about this season were the horrendous sound of the cars and Bianchi's accident.

Respect Yer Elders!

I can’t fucking believe Vettel tinkled on Sir Jackie Stewart! 

That kid has some balls on him!

Seb is lucky Sir Jackie didn’t just cock-punch him right then and there up on the podium in front of everyone.

Jackie is a classy guy though. He knew this would cause Sebastian to start crying like a little bitch, cos the two time world champion from Heppenheim squirts tears pretty much at the drop of a hat.

These tears would have been red were his nads crushed by the fist of Scottish Justice!

This shit is going to sleep!

Until Sebastian Vettel stops making everybody else look like they lack talent this blog is taking a nap!

Come on, Lewis!

Lewis Hamilton needs to fucking get over the last race and Schumi not just rolling over like an old dog and letting him through, like entitled Lewis thinks should be the case.

He keeps talking about how in Malaysia he was not defending, but trying to break a tow and that is why he was wiggling and such.

All I can say is that if Schumacher had pulled the same shit on say... Jenson Button, Schumi would have been given some sort of reprimand but I'm pretty sure the stewards left him alone due to the fact it was funny that The Brown Possum get a taste of his own medicine.

He did not like it.

Monster Monza

Today's race was pleasant, and as always at Monza, seemed to go by way too quick! I quite enjoyed the penalty handed out to Liuzzi. That *must* have been some form of steward humor!

+While I will admit that Schumacher did a bit of artful blocking today, I found it amusing that The Brown Possum whined about it, considering it is not a foreign defense maneuver of his. I was glad though that Schumacher was warned to lay off and was not punished, as that would have been lame. Whilst McLaren mentioned that he was twice warned by the stewards via Brawn, what I would be curious to know is before Hamilton was ever penalized or warned publicly, had such "warnings" come to him the same way they had to Michael today?

+Not to take away from Vettel's brilliant race craft, but I can't wait for this year to be over and the blown diffusers to be banished and hopefully if Red Bull finds another way to obscurely bend the rules next year, instead of letting it go such as they did with these difusers, the FIA will tell them to eat a dick and all will be well. That car is too fucking fast. Red Bull came up with and developed it before everybody else. Once everybody else realized it was the way to go, they started dumping money and resources in to it. That's the only reason the FIA didn't flat out shitcan it like it intended to was it probably would have really slowed the Red Balls down a lot + the other teams had already wasted all that money because apparently it was not illegal. I'm not salty at Red Bull for exploiting this, I'm mad at the FIA for telling them not do continue to do so earlier than they did.

My moustache is a form of rebellion!

I originally wrote this April 12'th, 2005 in my Live Journal. As LJ is a sadly, mostly dead "social network", I figured I should bring this silly little piece over to my F1 blog.

 ---------------------------------------

Graham Hill was world champion in 1962 & 1968. The coolest thing about him was his mustache and his charm. Mr. Hill was by far the most dapper driver of the 60's with his Erroll Flynn mustache and Captain Kirk sideburns along with the finely tailored Italian suits. He was the only man ever to have won the Triple Crown: the World Championship, the Indianapolis 500 & da Le Mans 24 Hour race.



 First we shall discuss his mustache. He didn't look right with out one. I saw a picture of him sans mustache, and the look just wasn't working. The reason he originally sprouted his roguish facial appendage was as a form of rebellion. While in the Royal Navy he felt horribly out of place and didn't like all the silly rules, so he grew a mustache and all hell broke loose. The navy didn't know what to do with him. In the end, they let him keep it because one of his officers agreed he just didn't look right with out it. In 1953 a friend let him tool around the Brands Hatch circuit in his Formula 3 car, and Hill quickly became obsessed with becoming a competitive driver. Oddly though, he didn't even have a road license, or a car... let alone a sports car. After a few months of scrimping and saving, he quit his day job, collected unemployment, and talked his way into a job as a mechanic at a racing school. By the end of his first year at the school he was actually teaching courses, even though he'd never raced competitively (makes you wonder about the credentials of this school, as they had no clue at the time he would one day be 2 time world champion) In 1957 he yet again talked his way into a place he wanted to be. This time he managed to smooth talk his way into a drive with the emergent Lotus team after hitching a ride back from Brands Hatch with founder Colin Chapman and his assistant. Each assumed Hill was a friend of the other; in truth, Hill knew neither of them. He was an opportunist, with the gift of bullshit and as such was usually able succeed once he had set his mind on something. Once Graham was in that car with Chapman and his assistant he just started kissing Chapman's ass, and referring to Chapman's assistant by name. Using his wit and easy going personality he then started hyping his ass up as a grand race driver and told Colin that if he knew what was good for him, he'd take him on as a driver to test the new Lotus machinery and eventually race it for him. Rumor has it that on this fateful car ride back into town that Colin Chapman was pretty drunk on champagne and Graham Hill's future was set as a racer when he busted out some wonder joints of Britain's finest skunk and got the Lotus founder super high. Hill raced a Lotus from 1958 till 1960, but the cars weren't quite up to snuff yet, so he left the team for BRM and in 1962 won the Championship using BRM's machinery. Sadly though, BRM suddenly lost form and by 1964 Hill was back in a Lotus, happily playing second fiddle to Jim Clark, the wondrous Scot who is considered in some circles the greatest F1 driver ever!


-Graham in his Gold Leaf Lotus in the late 60's 

 Being the #2 Lotus driver was quite fulfilling to Hill. He was already a champion. He really had nothing left to prove, so he was just enjoying himself racing, regularly on the podium. Usually only being beaten by his team mate, Clark. It was a pleasant life. Good machinery, good times, lotsa pussy yet still! In 1968 Graham suddenly found himself the Lotus Team #1 after Jimmy Clark's car slid off a track in Germany during a Formula Two race, and met up for lunch with a small tree which done went and killed him. Team morale was low, especially Colin Chapman's, the team founder and race principal. Chapman had a very close relationship with Clark. Luckily, there was Graham Hill there to save the day. First he started winning races for the team, which was a pick-me-up, but some say what really saved the team were his notorious after-race parties. The booze flowed like water, Hill kept everybody laughing. Either using his quick wit, or by doing his famous bump & grind strip-tease table dances while totally shitfaced. All the guys loved Graham's parties cos he brought the finest race rats to the events. Even though Hill was married, and had three childrens, he could not keep his dick in his pants and was known as quite a cocksman! So even if Graham took 3 girls back to his room, there was generally always enough good looking tail for the mechanics and fellow race drivers to get. Hill ended up winning the final race of the season that year Clark passed away, on a street circuit in Mexico City, which handed him the championship for 1968. Graham dedicated his prize to the memory of the late Jim Clark, who had died that April. Later that afternoon, in celebration of his second championship, while very well blitzed, he ran the streets of Mexico City that comprised the track, in his birthday suit, singing songs in Spanish tongue, scaring old Mexican women and young children alike. Sadly in 1969 Graham Hill's shit got all mucked up. While whopping some ass at the USGP at Watkins Glen in 1969 his car stalled following a spin, while leading the race. He easily solved this problem by jumping out of the car and giving it a push-start, and merrily went on his way. Though after he restarted the car, in his haste, he forgot to relatch his seatbelt. Towards the end of the race one of his tires exploded, pitched the car into an earth bank, and flung Hill out like a ragdoll. Graham crushed both of his knees. Totally decimated them. While this would have been a good time to quit, Hill didn't, and his racing suffered. He raced up until 1975. People still loved him though, even though he was way past his prime. He finally threw in the towel when he failed to qualify for the Monaco GP. The reason for this was he was KNOWN as Mr. Monaco, for having won the race 5 times, and now he couldn't even qualify for the starting grid. In 1973 he set up his own team, Embassy Hill Racing, and flew his team around in his small fleet of private jets, which he'd dubbed "Hillarious Airways" Hillarious Airways stopped being so funny when he crashed his plane into a patch of trees while trying to land in a dense fog. Both his racing drivers, and Hill himself were killed, along with some hanger-on-ers. What a way to end it all...

 
- Graham with his only son, Damon, who would go on to become World Champion in 1996. 

They Hills are the only Father/Son F1 Champions to date. Damon Hill followed in his father's footsteps in a haunting fashion. First, Damon took up car racing at a late age (as his father, who was 24 when he started. Damon was 32 when he graduated to F1), and was also the man that had to boost team morale in light of a great racers death (Ayrton Senna's death in 1994) Sadly, Damon was a much more serious character than his father, and the humor wasn't there. Nick Riley shares a similiar facial structure (and eyebrow) with Damon Hill See:
  Mr. Riley:


-Graham @ the Nurburgring sometime in the early 60's

Turkey Sandwich

That's a pisser about Turkey. I understand "business is business" and all that nonsense, but that was the ONE modern track that was really awesome and the first Hermann Tilke designed track since Sepang that wasn't a total dog turd. Who cares if nobody was in the stands. A lot of people watch the race on TV and most of them are big fans of the track.

Bernie must feel the need to recoup lost funds after dropping $5 million on his "privileged" daughters wedding last weekend after earlier this year buying her the Spelling Manor for $85 million in cash...

Spa 2011

As always, I was thrilled Spa was the race taking place.

+However, I was sad that Schumacher's tire decided to depart from the car and then attempt to chase Michael and the car down. That was a real bummer, especially when you saw what kind of race Schumacher ended up having. Right now that Mercedes isn't even a 5'th place car and Michael was able to get it up that high, after starting dead last. It is nice to know the old goat has still "got it". It is just such a shame that he's been having uncharacteristically bad luck this past two years.

+That was a kind gesture of Nico to give Michael 5'th place. I hope Schumacher took him out to dinner that night.

+I was also sad about Senna's dash to the first corner. I was quite happy that he was racing and getting a chance to prove himself a worthy race driver (or a rich kid of a legend) and he placed well and had a chance to really shine, so it was a bummer that he blew his wad like an overly excited teen and caused all that contact.

+When the Brown Possum crashed out and appeared all motionless I was quite worried. As much as I enjoy seeing Hamilton crash out of races due to stupid shit he does, I always like to see him get up and out of the car as well. I'm glad he was OK in the end though as I want to see him crash out of more races due to his sometimes silliness.

+I'm sick of Red Balls...

Overall though, a decent Spa race.

Nick is not so quick...

I'm sort of not a fan of Nick Heidfeld. I don't hate the guy or think he is a horrid race driver, but for years now I am always amazed that he is continually able to find drives in F1. When Kubica had his accident this winter I was kind of excited for Senna, as I wanted to see him in a decent car since I am still mildly skeptical of his ability and driving a decent enough black and gold "Lotus" Renault just like his old uncle did back in the day, seemed like a perfect opportunity for everybody. I couldn't quite understand why Renault insisted on having an experienced driver other then for car development due to the lack of in-season testing and maybe as some kind of progress marker for Petrov? On the flip side, I imagine Renault knows that their neither their car and/or their car with Heidfeld behind the wheel are good enough to win a race this year, so why not take some Brazillian money and see if Senna Jr. is any good. I strongly feel that Renault kind of wrote this season off the second they found out about Kubica so this really would have been a good year to develop potential talent such as Senna - as there is no way for him to test - Renault could have and should have done this the other way around, had Senna start the year and if he didn't perform up to their standards replace him with old Heidfeld - but doing it the other way around seems silly even to me for a variety of reasons legal and strategically.

Either way, I hope Senna is able to prove himself and I hope Heidfeld doesn't bitch, whine, or sue too much over this. The guy has been around in F1 for over 10 years and done almost 200 races. He's 34 years old and has never won a race. He should be thanking the heavens for the races he received this year as they were a gift more than anything else.

Schumacher & Sauber

"Michael, Heinz-Harald Frentzen and Karl Wendlinger were our junior team for Sauber Mercedes in the Sportscar World Championship.

"The plan then was that Sauber would enter F1 in 1993 together with Mercedes. So it was quite normal that we would have facilitated Michael's first race by paying Eddie Jordan the required sum of money."

Sauber says he only told Schumacher about what had happened at the 2006 Brazilian Grand Prix, which was supposed to be the German's final race in F1.

"He was clearly surprised when he discovered the full circumstances during his retirement race in 2006 in Brazil," said Sauber. "He thereafter sent me a helmet. I do not expect any more [gratitude]. Michael made his own way through his career by being fast."

Sauber believes that one of the keys to Schumacher's success in F1 has been his hard-working nature.

"Speed alone is not enough," he said. "Frentzen, for example, had an equal amount of talent, possibly a bit more. But Michael was a very hard worker, was very ambitious, mentally strong and physically always perfectly prepared. That is why it was noticeable from early on that he was a special talent."

I found the above statement by Peter Sauber to be very interesting. It comes from an article about how Sauber paid Eddie Jordan the 150K in UK pounds to let Schumi drive his first F1 race. What he said about Heinz-Harald Frentzen fascinated me, as The Shitty David Duchvony* was always a back-marker since I've been watching F1, so it was surprising to see that Peter Sauber, a man whom I respect, thinks HHF had MORE talent than old Schumacher.

While I find that hard to believe, I do agree with the statement as a whole about speed not being enough to get by on (yes, everybody is looking at you Kimi...)

*

I hate summer break!

I sure would have liked if an F1 race happened yesterday.

Trulli Is Not a Happy Boy

Apparently Jarno Trulli is just one angry tiny Italian man this year and since he never has any thing positive or pleasant to say I have found it rather amusing that any time YahooF1 posts any stories about Jarno complaining about the power steering or his engine or Sergio Perez being a Mexican Yahoo will only use this one thumbnail picture of Trulli looking forlorn.



This is pretty much the only picture I have seen of Trulli on YahooF1 this year. Maybe if he would say something nice they would start using this one, which is slightly brighter:

Hungary For More Action!

+The Hungarian GP can even some how manage to be a tad bit boring in the wet! Now don't get me wrong, today's race was quite decent but there was a very solid lull there in the middle of the race for awhile. I actually nodded off for a few laps, luckily I missed nothing.

+How interesting it is that in only the second track that Button has twice conquered, the conditions were amazingly similar to those in which he clinched his maiden GP win back in 2006. I guess that is pretty cool considering it was also his 200'th race. I was really surprised when SpeedTV was doing a little career retrospective on Button and they said it was in 2003 that JB had that heavy shunt in practice at Monaco... That kinda made me feel old as I think that was the first season I watched religiously from start to finish, every practice, quali & race. I remember when Sergio Perez had his bizarrely similar crash to Button's this year at Monaco and they showed them both - I recalled being wowed JB's was from '03. I must have put it out of my mind though, considering I was once again wowed today by how long ago that was!

+While I'm glad Jenson won, I once again felt The Brown Possum's strife and felt he ran a solid race considering the adversity he faced making 6 stops or something outrageous, along with that spin and all.

+I swear I heard today was only the 2'nd time that the Hungarian GP was wet and/or damp, which makes it even more odd that these "rare" conditions had the same winner. I also think I heard that with something like 186 million pit stops, that this race officially had the most pit stops ever, taking the crown from another race that happened this year. What I would like to know, is what race previously held the record prior to the Pirelli era?

+Lastly - Two things I found humorous today was when Heidfeld's car burst in to flames, the manner in which he exited. Looks like the wet car almost caused him to slip. I am glad he and his beard did not eat shit and fall. That would have been really embarrassing. The other amusing thing I noted was when Massa kissed the wall with his rear wing there was a dude with a camera like right there but he was walking AWAY with his back turned to the happening, which was really odd cos it seemed like it was going on VERY close to him. Maybe he had ear plugs in... but I couldn't help but wondering why he didn't hear a small Formula 1 car sliding towards him and the tire barrier at a mildly decent speed.

Kamui Power!

+I was happied to read earlier today that Sauber resigned Kobayashi. Sauber is a good place for him and I can't wait until he is signed with a real contender. It seems like it will only be a matter of time, cos the guy is awesome! He was pullin' off ridiculously fine passes in his first races before they made magical wings. It will be a glorious day when he makes his way into a Renault or better!

+I've always been a fan of Jarno Trulli but I think it is time for him to move on to DTM or NASCAR and call a day on his F1 career. He's been whining too much and that is probably why Team Lotus let Chandhok drive, which is fine by me. While I really have no idea of the guy's ability considering he's always driven turds on wheels, I do think Karun is a nice guy with a few bucks, so why not give him a chance till someone better or richer comes along. It is not like Jarno is paying Team Lotus or bringing any fine results and he's driven close to 250 races...

Bad Home GP Luck & Random Thoughts

+I find it curious how some of the "Big Boys" in F1 often have bad luck at home GP's when they qualify good. Today for instance, was not Vettel's day amazingly, which is fine with me since he already has such a massive lead and all, though I *almost* felt bad for him. I would have rather had Fern or Webber win as opposed to The Brown Possum, but it was nice to see Hamilton's genuine appreciation for his race win.

+At the British GP I truly felt bad for Button. What a horrible and terribly uncharacteristic problem that befell him! Then again, I kinda felt bad for JB today too, but that is mainly because I have had a newfound respect for him since he won his championship a few years back after riding him so hard for years as being a waster. I imagine if he wasn't Lewis' team mate I wouldn't be wanting The Brown Possum to fail as much as I do at times. I think my beef with Hamilton is that he's a bit too cheeky and some times comes off as entitled on track for my liking as we already know that he is a brilliant driver and I think he's a stand up guy off track, so as a whole I appreciate LH but rarely find myself rooting for him during races.

+While I am a fan of Vettel, I hope the SpeedTV guys are right and that maybe Red Bull's performance drops off a bit like what happened to Button in his championship year. I've already accepted that Vettel & Red Bull are probably going to win the championship again this year, but I sure wouldn't mind seeing some more wins by Ferrari and McLaren and my unlikely dream win of the year would be to have Schumacher bring home Mercedes first win in a wet race in Brazil after starting 12'th or something. It would also be nice to see Massa win again as even though Ferrari say he's racing for them next year, I suspect it'll probably be his last with the Scuderia.

Niki Lauda's finger

Chance & Broadcasters

I was on grandprix.com tonight doing some research for something (I've already forgot what it was, to be quite honest) and after I found out whatever information I originally went searching their archives for I got curious about what race it was that I first saw as an adult that got me obsessed with F1.

Once I pinpointed the race in question (French GP, Magny-Cours, July 21, 2002) I started thinking about the few people that really enjoy this blog all over the world and how the reason they come here is for my silly take on things. I'm not a news source. I'm not terribly technical. I am an opinionated American that some folks find amusing due to my semi-skewed take on Formula 1.

Once upon a time I was supposed to be an up and coming young F1 journalist years ago but apparently I was too old even at the time to win the Red Bull journalism prize (by 1 year) that I felt I needed to help get my career kick-started and at the same time I have yet to fulfill my Journalism/Mass Communications degree at the ripe old age of 28... So as you can see life got in the way and as of late I have forgot to update this blog as much as I should be doing. But in the end I sure do love to write about Formula 1 racing and the things that captivate and amuse me about the sport both new and old.

That is why this blog exists. That is the same reason there are only a handful of the many web pages devoted to F1 that are worth reading that DO serve as a news source. This blog exists to amuse, provoke some though and possibly educate. I don't break news. I'm not going to be able to explain very well why some teams were soiling themselves at the beginning of this past season over the double diffusers some other teams had. There are plenty of people who can do that well and plenty more people who aspire to.

Formula 1 at times can be kind of cold and soulless. I like to latch on to that bit of warmth that the sport does emit and discuss that aspect. With that said, I shall try to get back to my "roots" and tell more stories of how F1 has touched me as well as parody and lampoon the other aspects that I find absurd for the enjoyment of the few fine loyal readers I do have... starting this entry!

I learned 10 years ago as a young intern at Alternative Press magazine here in Cleveland that publishers don't get too excited over creative writing exercises involving humor concerning whatever subject it is that their publication "seriously" covers, but many readers can be and ARE entertained by such bits of nonsense. Who doesn't like entertainment?

With that said, I shall tell my eye-opening Formula 1 experience and elaborate on it a bit. I would greatly enjoy reading what your F1 eye-opener was.

The Tale:

It was early August in 2002. I had just arrived home from a 3 day trip to Peoria, Illinois and was kind of pissed off as a whole due to the person I was traveling with and the fact that we hit massive traffic delays about 50 miles south of arriving home which added an extra hour to an already long enough road trip. It was around midnight when I finally arrived home. My father was watching TV and drinking a glass of scotch as he often does. The old man was real excited because he'd found a channel that showed F1 races regularly.

Now, my dad has been a pretty devout follower of Formula 1 since the late 1960's when a buddy of his in college took him up to Watkins Glen for some racing action and evenings of drinking. He went to all the US GP's at The Glen from 1973 to 1980. In 1976 he first won tickets to the inaugural Long Beach Grand Prix from Formula Magazine. He had his father who worked at the local General Electric in Erie, PA make him up some "official" looking credentials that stated he was a Team Lotus photographer and was able to get into the paddock and on to the starting grid to take some amazing pictures of drivers and famous folk, on top of being able to get some great Super 8 film by hanging off of the barriers manned by a track marshal for drivers to enter through should they need to get past the catch-fencing and concrete barriers in the event of a failure or crash. Later that year he and my mother went to the race at Mosport In Canada. Then, in 1981 I was born. My birth caused him to have to give up wandering around the USA & Canada to watch F1 races. It also sadly caused him to have to quit racing in the SCCA's Formula Vee series. To make matters worse, my need for Pampers was so fierce that he had to sell his beautiful 1969 Lotus Europa which had aided him in the procurement of 3 SCCA Autocross championships in the mid-1970's. With my bottom covered in diapers with money received from selling relics of his youth he was still able to make it to two more GP's due to his employment with Phillip Morris. In 1982 and 1983 he scored some great tickets to the Grand Prix of Detroit, which sadly were the last races he has attended.

Since then he had always kept up with F1 via magazines and any races shown on TV. He named me after Niki Lauda and as a small child would try to educate me in the ways of F1. While I was too young to really understand I was always well aware of the names Stirling Moss, Jim Clark, Jackie Stewart, James Hunt, Emerson Fittipaldi, and of course Niki Lauda. I would play with his expensive small scale F1 replica cars and that was about it. I always had an appreciation and respect for the sport but due to it being hard to see in the states, never really started following it... until that fateful night in August of 2002 when the Speed Channel was replaying a recent race in the wee hours of the morning.

I remember just arriving back home and during a commercial my pops telling me how he was pretty sure a Michael Schumacher was about to surpass Juan Manuel Fangio's record of world championships that Schumi & Fangio up to that race currently shared. While my dad was familiar with the Schumacher name, I sure was not but this information was enough for me to at least sit down and watch the last half of the race. I found it interesting because at that point in time I had become very consumed with the art and science of driving so it was finally fascinating to me to watch these fine men driving the best cars to the limit.

From there on out my love of the sport only became more and more vicious. I spent the off season(s) reading tons of my dad's many books on F1 from the 60's and 70's and discovered the F1 web pages I still check first thing in the morning to this day. I started my own F1 book collection as I love the old school as much as the new school. I would poach my pops' books, buy new ones when I could find them at my local book shop, and buy ones online that while expensive, I felt I must have.

On top of raiding my dad's files and growing my own collection of books, and hours of internet reading I would watch the previous seasons races during the winter months because in 2003 I started recording EVERY race weekend and Formula 1 Decade and ANY other bit of F1 related material that came on TV.

From watching the previous seasons races during the winter I grew to love the American F1 commentators immensely. I remember when a Steve Matchett one day appeared on the broadcasts along with Mr. Hobbs & company. Matchett was so technical and business oriented that it threw me because he was so well informed and had so much insight. I was used to the other guys being efficient and lighthearted but this fellow just presented the facts and knew what he was talking about so intricately. It took a few races for me to warm to the man but now I don't know what I would do should he not call the races. Between Matchett, the wonderfully colorful and amusing David Hobbs & good old Bob Varsha I can no longer fully enjoy a race with out them. At times I have had to watch European coverage due to VCR malfunctions and it was just not the same. Those three men make F1 that much more interesting for me and are honestly the only reason I am so adamant about catching the Friday practices. We all know that not a whole hell of a lot happens during those practice sessions some times, but I derive a great amount of enjoyment hearing Hobbs, Matchett, Varsha, and Windsor just shooting the shit that Friday practice is an event for me. While I do enjoy qualifying the only reason I make sure to tune in at the top of the sessions is to hear them, as we all know the real action happens in the last 2 minutes of Q3 any how.

It is funny how the fellows who call your races can make such an impact on the overall viewing experience. The first time I realized this strongly was when Speed Channel would lose races to CBS and my three guys wouldn't be calling the races. I remember watching the last 15 laps or so of a thrilling San Marino GP in 2005 muted because the guys calling the race were angering me so much. You couldn't listen to them. They were atrocious. If "my guys" had been calling the race those last laps would have been just amazing. I was so pissed that I wrote a letter to CBS voicing my distaste. I appreciated that they were trying to bring a bigger American audience to Formula 1 (and more fine American dollars to Mr. Ecclestone's bulging bank account) but at the same time explained that if they had had Hobbs, Matchett & Varsha that people would be even more receptive. Eventually the races stopped being on CBS and instead on Fox, when not on Speed and thankfully we got our announcers back. I like to think my letter helped. It didn't. But I still like to think it did...


But that wasn't the first time I realized how much "your guys" meant to the overall viewing experience. It all originally clicked with me and made sense one day when some really good racing was going on and that new Matchett guy was getting excited. When he gets excited the man gets an aggressive, very British tone about him when truly stirred and that in turn made me even more excited about what was transpiring since I knew that if Matchett was really excited that it was the real deal. From that point onward I realized why people were so sad when Murray Walker retired. As a newbie AND an American I never really heard him call races but after spending a lot of money on bootleg DVD's of vintage seasons and hearing him I realized that he was the voice of British F1 viewers and to many, his voice was all they knew. He was a part of the family. Like a cousin or uncle.

The guys who call the races that you watch make up such an important part of the show. You figure on average, if you watch all the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday events that you are hearing "your guys" talk for almost 80 hours a year.

Think about that.

So in the end I would like to thank my father, that shitty trip to Illinois back in 2002, Niki Lauda, Michael Schumacher and the announcers on Speed's F1 broadcasts for all helping me discover my love of Formula 1 Racing.

Thanks guys!

There better be a triumphant return...

I was very pleased to read that my new main man, Kamui Kobayashi, found a decent ride and has signed for the recently revived Sauber sans BMW team. I look forward to his fun style of racing and possibly pissing off smooth kings of driving like World Champ J. Button.

Other than that I am as "over the moon" as little old Bernie Ecclestone is with all the stories I continue to read about Michael Schumacher's supposed return to F1 with Mercedes GP. When you are reading stories with Luca di Montezemolo talking about how in his eyes it is Schumacher's "twin" that will be racing for the Silver Arrows next season you can only assume gears are turning and Schumi really is on the verge of coming back.

I just love it!

If Schumacher does in fact return to the grid I wonder if Jenson Button will be kicking himself in the ass for not staying with Brawn... if it was a challenge he was really after.

While very few will debate that Lewis Hamilton is a great driver who will win more championships in the future, even fewer will debate that Michael Schumacher is a force of racing nature.

If Button wanted a same-machine challenge going head to head with Schumacher would have been the wisest choice on his part considering he apparently wants to be chewed up and spat out by his team mate. While I am rather confident Lewis will not have much of a problem doing this to JB, Schumacher would humiliate Button in a way that Max Mosley has to pay to receive.

I understand the main reason Schumacher is being poached is because Mercedes GP want to start their re-introduction to F1 with a beastly German super-team, on top of having the means and will to procure such a talent. If this were still Brawn GP there would be far less of a chance they'd be knocking on Schumi's door, even after letting their champion go to McLaren and their old reliable saunter on over to the Williams pasture to graze. Maybe they would? Maybe Schumacher would still have come back had the team been Brawn and not Mercedes? I don't know.

All I do know is I am excited to see Schumacher either live up to his fans expectations of a come back or fail miserably. I also know if after achieving world champion status if the next step in Button's personal career path was to try to go head to head in the same car with someone he deemed to be a worthy adversary that Michael Schumacher is the man to try to prove something against.

Glock's gut...

I just read a little story about Timo Glock saying his gut feeling is that Michael Schumacher is going to come back to F1 racing. I hope his gut is right and knows something my gut does not.

How nice...

I find it pleasant to read that Ferrari will supposedly not cock-block Michael Schumacher if he decides to return to kicking ass and taking names in F1 for Mercedes GP. That is honorable.

Edge of seat announcement... or not?

So it looks quite likely that tomorrow the Lotus name in F1 will be revived with two guys I like quite a bit but always let me down. Of course I am talking about the speed demon of qualifying and slow poke of the race as well as being owner of the thickest neck in F1, Mr. Jarno Trulli. Purportedly the other man is a fellow with whom I share a birthday and is the proud owner of the biggest head (physically, not metaphorically) in Formula 1, Finland's sole Fin left in the sport (as of the time of this writing) Mr. Heikki Kovalainen.

I am excited, as I am a vintage Lotus F1 lover. I can now proudly wear my old brass Lotus belt buckle not just as a fan of their fine ugly little road cars but also as a Formula 1 team enthusiast. While I don't expect much out of the team I do hope they aren't the slowest of the lot next year. I would like to bequeath that honor to Virgin F1 because Richard Branson is a cheap-ass-rich-man-hippie. I actually like Branson just fine but hope he gets what he pays for as he got lucky last year sponsoring the underdog as he so often likes to state.

Now what I really would appreciate the most of all things F1 related would be a statement released by Mercedes GP or the Michael Schumacher camp that was notarized by a notary public declaring either he has in fact been released from contract by Ferrari, declared fit by a doctor to race, and has indeed signed a new 1 year contract to race Mercedes super all German Nazi rocket sleighs OR can not get out of his Ferrari contract, is still not fit to race, and no longer cares to think about racing F1 cars any longer.

Just give me one or the other. I don't want to wait any more. I've already been teased by a Schumi return once this year and gotten over it. Stop dangling this frotting carrot in front of my face already!

We've got interest now!

According to Bloomberg, Daimler and Aabar are paying around $184.2m for 75.1% of Brawn GP making the saviors of Honda's F1 team an immense chunk of coin. You do the math. How amazing it was that a sub-par team called Honda decided to quit F1 after spending a great amount of time and money developing what would end up being the strongest car for pretty much the first half of the season.

Instead of putting all those people who worked so hard for the team out on their asses they sold the team to Ross Brawn and company for a British pound sterling and THEN financed that season for them with the understanding that "You get one free year and then it is up to you to make this work and if you don't then it is your conscience that has to deal with making all these people jobless"

This ultimately led to the newly named/birthed Brawn GP who went on to sew up the constructors championship AND the drivers race as well in only their first year, something that had never happened before and to top it all off it was the team's only year... and on somebody else's dime!!!

If that wasn't a good enough of a story now they've gone and flipped the frotting team for $184.2 million dollars because Mercedes wanted to have more say in how an F1 team was run as well as not having much interest in financing a team that will soon be producing supercars that will challenge their own works?

I do recall an earlier entry at the end of March where I proclaimed "Ross Brawn may be Jesus Christ" and I'm beginning to think I was right. Making crappy bloated teams into dual, lean championship winners and then selling the team for a tidy pile of money... a lot like turning water in to wine if you think about it, but with a capitalistic lean.

Brawny Mercedes

Norb Haug is apparently hinting at some sort of "surprise" in the form of driver line up and thus people are talking about Michael Schumacher coming back to drive for the silver arrows as he has purportedly given up F1 counseling duties with Ferrari and is supposedly just working with the development of road cars. However, I always thought the reason Ferrari was giving Schumacher these contracts over the past three years was to keep him legally bound to the team till he was too old to go driving any more and thus not any kind of competition threat to them any more, which is when he would really be allowed to fully retire.

Don't get me wrong, that would be awesome if Schumacher ditched Ferrari and hooked up with his old mate Ross Brawn and drove a Nazi rocket sleigh around F1 tracks. That would be gold. Especially if he won!

In the end it would be far more than a simple surprise if M. Schumacher came back to F1 driving a Mercedes. I have a feeling Haug's surprise is Kimi Raikkonen. Now that WOULD be a surprise. Getting rid of a cheap Button for an expensive Kimi.

Whatever. I wish them all the best in their new teams... and surprise me with a Schumacher of the non Ralf variety.

They only care about Jenson Button and Nick Heidfeld's fucking stupid beards...

Ok... Button & Heidfeld's stupid shit beards and poor old Tom Pryce's viscous demise. Those three things are what drive traffic to this fine, proud, and often times humorous Formula One blog. I will go down in the annals of Formula One history as the guy that analyzed the facial hair trends of F1. I'm not even finished yet. For the past year or two I've been wanting to put together a somewhat definitive piece on facial hair through out F1's years I just have not had the time to compile it the way I would like.

It is unfortunate that as soon as the season ends I have time to write about the sport. I don't quite get it other than the fact that my life as a whole quiets down during the late fall and that as soon as Formula One is over and done with I start to pine for it and feel the need to speak about it in an effort to quench my thirst for F1 action.

I sit here with my autographed picture of the late Ronnie Peterson's beautiful Lotus looking down upon me proud of the fact that I may never find the means and the way to become a "proper" Formula One journalist but at least I can amuse people from time to time and that they know where to go when curious about Jenson Button or Nick Heidfeld's facial hair.

Toyodor

Well, it is 2am round about now and I keep reading very loud whispers about Toyota pulling out of F1 with immediate effect and just closing the team down. Not selling it. No nothin'. Just game over.

I'm bummed in a sense since Toyota looked like they were making some progress. I had always hoped they'd secure at least one win... but doesn't look like that is going to happen now.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't even really give a fiddler's fart about it all had stupid Timo Glock not skinned his knee and vertebrae and opened the door for that loveable and adorable ragamuffin Kamui Kobayashi to go racing.

I have absolutely no 100% solid reason as to why this guy amuses me as much as he does, other than the fact that he's pissed off Button and driven hard in his two races and managed to pick up some points quite quick. I just hope the guy has found a few supporters inside the F1 circle and can hopefully land a ride with one of the new teams.

Hell... Sauber's probably got a seat open now that they are a team again saying they had a provisional spot and now that Toyota's about to call it a day. Come on Peter Sauber. Kamui Kobayashi is worth a shot. This incarnation of Sauber wouldn't even be stepping up to go racing had Toyota not just pulled out.

However, for all I know the management at Toyota were just saying Kobayashi would get the drive next year since they knew their team was toast. Trying to do The Kob a favor, raising his stock.

Either way, I hope Mr. Kobayashi finds a ride next year. Obviously the guy has made a good impression on me and I am very suspicious of Japanese F1 drivers in general. They never seem to deliver... yet this guy has my attention for some reason.

Lastly, I'm glad Max Mosley's prediction of the manufacturers making a semi mass exodus is finally coming true. As crazy and stupid as some folks thought Mad Max was, you can't say the guy didn't know what he was talking about even if the reason the manufacturers are leaving are for different reasons than Mosley predicted. Or not.

Max probably didn't expect to be on his way out with the manufacturers however I am glad he had the foresight to get the costs lowered and get Cosworth back.

The Kob

I like Kamui Kobayashi. He is goofy looking. He smiles a lot. He gives entertaining and candid interviews and most important he is a balsy, aggressive driver... but doesn't appear to be a "crazy" or "wild" driver like I always felt Takuma Sato was. Hopefully he will get a drive with Toyota next year. Hopefully Toyota will still be in F1 next year.

Earlier today I was reading some articles about who goes where next year. The topic of USF1 was brought up, how they want to promote American drivers yet there are no Americans currently holding a superlicense. I figure Scott Speed probably still has a superlicense. Do they expire? I mean he only got shitcanned from Toro Rosso a year and a half ago. However, maybe the article I was reading meant that any American that USF1 is mildly interested in does not have a superlicense. I suppose that is fine considering old Scott Speed says "I hardly even follow Formula One any more". He's content to keep driving those big old NASCAR shitboxes around ovals while Red Balls foots the bill. I can't say I completely blame him I suppose... though I'd still follow F1.

Abu Dhabi's Yas Marina - A New Wave band...

I was somewhat skeptical of the new track in Abu Dhabi. I expected it to be beautiful but boring. The track is in fact beautiful and I surprisingly find the course interesting. How it folds in on itself at first kind of bugged me but after watching practice for awhile I found it was interesting since it appears to be pretty intense from the drivers standpoint going through all of those slow corners on the brake off the brake constantly changing gears and so forth. So in the end I am excited about the race in Abu Dhabi. Maybe now we can get rid of Bahrain's course with something a little more interesting. That track is so flippin' boring in every conceivable way!

OK. That's all I've got now unfortunately...

Button Lipped

I almost felt bad for ripping into Button's ass yesterday about monetary disputes when I read an article that he was only looking for $8 million but then I realized it wasn't a dollar sign by the 8 and instead that of the pound sterling. While £8 million still isn't totally ridiculous in F1 circles, especially for a newly crowned world champion... I still don't feel bad.

He got paid quite well all those years Honda were giving him shitty cars. He should give back. Receive a few paltry millions as opposed to many and just get on with it, his dream of being the first Briton to ever win back to back world championships. If he pulls that off, then he'll have more of a right to flat out demand money. Until then he should just be happy he's in a good car with a good team.