The only thing I didn't mind about Vettel getting back to his winning ways, was that it was nice to hear The Michael Schumacher Song again (German/Italian national anthems) which I have sort of missed. They go together really well. For a long time I thought it was just because I was so used to Schumi winning all the time back in the early 2000's, but we've seen Seb and Lewis win quite a bit over the past few years and their mash ups don't sound nearly as good at The Michael Schumacher Song.

Speaking of good old Michael, I bet the reason Seb didn't do his little jump ON the podium was that such a move is probably trademarked by the 7 time champion.

I hope Fernando Alonso feels like a real jackass right about now. It would be one thing is Vettel was winning again in a Red Bull, but it is another thing that he is literally doing it in Fern's old ride. Alonso might not have been winning titles in that Ferrari, but he was always pretty competitive bar last year (but who was, other than Mercedes?) and should have had a bit more patience and just stayed put. It wasn't like he was under appreciated and inadequately compensated. I mean, maybe he'll win a title in the McLaren, but I doubt he'll stick around long enough for that engine to become competitive. That just seems to be the kind of guy he is. Always jumping around, landing in the wrong place at the wrong time in stop-gap cars.

As much as I appreciate Alonso and am sick of Vettel, I do respect Seb and am sorta kinda looking forward to seeing what Fernando can or can not do with this pig called a McLaren-Honda.

(AFP Photo/MANAN VATSYAYANA)

Lewis Hamilton, Throwing The Hammer Down!

True to my word, I have revived this blog, as Sebastian Vettel is no longer the reigning Formula 1 World Champion.

Once it became clear early on in the season that one of the Mercedes drivers was going to be WDC I found it hard to decide whom to pull for. While I've never disputed his speed or talent, Hamilton has often rubbed me the wrong way in the past, so early on I was leaning towards supporting Rosberg. Though as time wore on, between Lewis' undeniably awesome drives and Nico's continual devolution from a seemingly intelligent, well thought, racing driver to a rather smarmy, mildly desperate, best-of-the-rest racer I found myself hoping Hamilton would just embarrass his entitled rich boy teammate.

So in the end, I'm glad Hamilton won, as any other outcome would have been unsatisfactory. However, I am also glad Rosberg ended up losing in style, between refusing to retire his crippled car and then immediately going to congratulate Lewis. Nico definitely upped his stock doing those two things. Maybe if he ups his game, it would even be possible to root for him next year?

The main reason I don't entirely mind the dominance of Mercedes is the fact that it isn't completely one sided like the Red Bull dynasty was. At least Rosberg is winning races, consistently landing on the podium, staying in touch with his teammate, and generally making decent starts. Though that last start of Nico's looked like he was visited by the ghost of Mark Webber.

It was really satisfying seeing Vettel squirm this year in his Red Bull. If Ricciardo hadn't won a handful of races, it would be have been easy to forgive him and just say that he didn't have a car that could do the job, much like Alonso's Ferrari, but alas, we know that while Red Bull were beaten, the RB10 was in fact capable of winning races. I tell you, Ricciardo won a lot of fans that day he scored his maiden victory and kept on gaining more fans every time he bested Seb.

Another thing I was really glad to see was Williams' return to competitiveness. Years ago when I first started getting into F1, for some reason they became the British team I supported. I've stuck by them over the past decade, so it was nice seeing Bottas and little old Felipe up on the podium more often than not.

Speaking of Williams, you have no clue how happy I was to see that stupid turd Pastor Maldonado languish in that piece of shit Renault. While I kind of felt for Grosjean, I'm still pissed at him for fucking Alonso out of the 2012 title... Seriously though, I can't wait till Pastor's oil money dries up and he is out of F1. I have never disliked an F1 driver as much as I deplore him!

The only things I disliked about this season were the horrendous sound of the cars and Bianchi's accident.

Respect Yer Elders!

I can’t fucking believe Vettel tinkled on Sir Jackie Stewart! 

That kid has some balls on him!

Seb is lucky Sir Jackie didn’t just cock-punch him right then and there up on the podium in front of everyone.

Jackie is a classy guy though. He knew this would cause Sebastian to start crying like a little bitch, cos the two time world champion from Heppenheim squirts tears pretty much at the drop of a hat.

These tears would have been red were his nads crushed by the fist of Scottish Justice!

Hungary For More Action!

+The Hungarian GP can even some how manage to be a tad bit boring in the wet! Now don't get me wrong, today's race was quite decent but there was a very solid lull there in the middle of the race for awhile. I actually nodded off for a few laps, luckily I missed nothing.

+How interesting it is that in only the second track that Button has twice conquered, the conditions were amazingly similar to those in which he clinched his maiden GP win back in 2006. I guess that is pretty cool considering it was also his 200'th race. I was really surprised when SpeedTV was doing a little career retrospective on Button and they said it was in 2003 that JB had that heavy shunt in practice at Monaco... That kinda made me feel old as I think that was the first season I watched religiously from start to finish, every practice, quali & race. I remember when Sergio Perez had his bizarrely similar crash to Button's this year at Monaco and they showed them both - I recalled being wowed JB's was from '03. I must have put it out of my mind though, considering I was once again wowed today by how long ago that was!

+While I'm glad Jenson won, I once again felt The Brown Possum's strife and felt he ran a solid race considering the adversity he faced making 6 stops or something outrageous, along with that spin and all.

+I swear I heard today was only the 2'nd time that the Hungarian GP was wet and/or damp, which makes it even more odd that these "rare" conditions had the same winner. I also think I heard that with something like 186 million pit stops, that this race officially had the most pit stops ever, taking the crown from another race that happened this year. What I would like to know, is what race previously held the record prior to the Pirelli era?

+Lastly - Two things I found humorous today was when Heidfeld's car burst in to flames, the manner in which he exited. Looks like the wet car almost caused him to slip. I am glad he and his beard did not eat shit and fall. That would have been really embarrassing. The other amusing thing I noted was when Massa kissed the wall with his rear wing there was a dude with a camera like right there but he was walking AWAY with his back turned to the happening, which was really odd cos it seemed like it was going on VERY close to him. Maybe he had ear plugs in... but I couldn't help but wondering why he didn't hear a small Formula 1 car sliding towards him and the tire barrier at a mildly decent speed.

Abu Dhabi's Yas Marina - A New Wave band...

I was somewhat skeptical of the new track in Abu Dhabi. I expected it to be beautiful but boring. The track is in fact beautiful and I surprisingly find the course interesting. How it folds in on itself at first kind of bugged me but after watching practice for awhile I found it was interesting since it appears to be pretty intense from the drivers standpoint going through all of those slow corners on the brake off the brake constantly changing gears and so forth. So in the end I am excited about the race in Abu Dhabi. Maybe now we can get rid of Bahrain's course with something a little more interesting. That track is so flippin' boring in every conceivable way!

OK. That's all I've got now unfortunately...

The Nervous Ferret Rides Again!

I'm not sure how I feel about Jean Todt becoming the new president of the FIA. While I expected him to win, I am surprised at how badly he kicked Ari Vatanen's ass.

If Button does leave Brawn over money issues and joins McLaren or something I'll be kind of offended and surprised. He says racing is not about money but at the same time apparently feels he is not paid well enough. He should join Toyota. I'm sure they'll pony up 20 or 30 million to him and he can not win and be more rich. It would be nice if Toyota one day built a F1 car that was good and had a driver capable of taking it to victory.

Interesting F1 searches...

With no real drive to do anything productive this morning I decided to waste time and poke around one of pages that keeps stats on this blog and see how some people were finding this page. There were a few interesting searches that brought people to this fine Formula One blog.

The favorite search was "jenson button beard" which has led peoples to my page at least 10 times in the past month. Last year the winner was Nick Heidfeld and his beard. This year Jense is storming all aspects of the F1 world!

The only other search that came back multiple times was "lauda jokes" which was searched three different times over the past 4 weeks by at least two people.

Here are some other searches:

"video did not the death of the old devil"
"usa f1 ecclestone"
"usgpe"
"usgpe contacts"
"blogspot superass"
"michael fucking schumacher"
"mclaren's devil horn"
"nicke lauda"
"the wee scot stewart"
"scott speed lashes franz tost"
"nick lauda senna's"
"punishmax"
"sex in nazi camp"
"frank william on myspace"

...and then there is my favorite:

"my big dick"

How about all that?

Superass

I am so sick of the F1 drivers bitching about their superlicense fees! I am a very fucking good driver, taught by a former 3 time consecutive auto cross champion who was a SCCA nationally licenced driver who also professionally drove in Formula Vee and am myself professionally licensed to teach in most of the states in The United States of America the art and science of driving to people of any age, sex, creed, etc... and I'm pretty sure I could artfully scare (in a good way) many of the people reading this blog with my mastery of driving were I driving a 1996 Ford, a 2005 GM, a Lotus, or a Ferrari... My goal in life is to test drive cars and write articles about said cars and test drive Bridgestone tires. I will probably never be paid a small fee to do either and I'm a fucking good driver and would be happy to make my living driving competitively. Sure, I'd be unhappy about the man taking some, be it in license fees and/or taxes due to the absorbent amount of money I made driving in circles for a shitload of money with other professionally licensed drivers... but ya know what? I'd live with it.

I professionally teach people how to drive. People who don't know how to drive well, on roads full of licensed drivers who also don't know how to drive well either and that's a lot more fucking dangerous than me and a bunch of other professionally licensed drivers making a shitload of money to compete for a dickload of cash driving in circles in cars built to sustain life after heavy crashes. I have a better chance of dying in my profession than Fernando Alonso does. I can statistically prove it right now: Senna died in 1994 driving an F1 car. It is 2009 now. Nobody has died driving an F1 car since 1994. In 2007 41,000 people died driving just on United States highways alone. So eat a dick. I made $27,000 last year.

Fuck you.

I've spent 75,000 miles on US roads teaching people to drive in the last 2 years alone. I've made roughly $50,000. Somehow I'm not dead. F1 drivers competitively drive about 5000 miles a year tops and make much more than $25K a year on average.

Go to hell!

I think the FIA should give me some of that money that is supposed to go to their "Safe Driving" program to help me keep my car going that I owe $13,000 on and my mouth fed. I teach safe driving. F1 drivers artfully drive in a beautiful way to entertain themselves and millions of other folks around the world. I enjoy it, but you know what, my driving job isn't for personal or others enjoyment. I teach safe, sound, and smart driving technique and as much as I'd like to be able to take all my students around a track to show them how to attack a 3-point corner, I'm just happy if they properly navigate a left turn whilst utilizing their turn signal!

USF1

I am very glad to be seeing all of these stories about USF1 in the news recently. This is a good sign. I was worried last week when I saw the first story that it was the only one I would ever see and never again would we hear anything of or about USF1. Hopefully they can keep their momentum and gather funding and get a team going. I wish them the best in their effort to marry F1 and America... for everybody's sake!

Formula Drugs

Pictured is former F1 Williams and McLaren driver Juan Pablo Montoya. As a native Colombian he naturally has a nose for sniffing out cocaine. I'm not insinuating JPM was or is a cocaine user, it was just an easy joke due to the picture and him being from Colombia and all...

Interestingly no Formula One driver has ever been busted for any kind of drugs, performance enhancing or recreational by random FIA drug testing. Tomas Enge tested positive for marijuana in 2002 after winning the F3000 championship, a year after he did 3 odd GP's with the Prost F1 team but other than that... nothing. The reason I decided to look into the matter was I was talking to somebody about good old James Hunt (F1 Champ 1976) the other day and that got me to thinking, as that dude liked to party. He was an alcoholic and openly enjoyed smoking a spliff as well as a bump of cocaine here and there. To calm his nerves before races it has been said by some that he would have a beer or two early in the day.

The only modern racer that comes close to Hunt-esque acts is Kimi Raikkonen, whom interestingly entered and won a snowmobile race in his native Finland under the assumed name "James Hunt". Räikkönen has openly admired the lifestyles of 1970s race car drivers such as Hunt.

Soon (in the next month or two) I will be unveiling my first new driver biography in a year or two, on the one and only James Hunt.

With that said, I will leave you with a vintage Hunt interview:

Classic!

NASCAR can choke on a dick!

"NASCAR is not like Formula One racing, where three teams absolutely rule the sport, but the fear is that NASCAR is ambling down the same road.

When asked how close the sport is to a crossroads – and more precisely, how close it is to becoming like Formula One, the kind of boring, follow-the-leader racing guys like Juan Pablo Montoya came to NASCAR to get away from – Evernham opened his eyes wide and spit out, "We've passed the street signs. The crossroad is coming."

I just read the above garbage in an article on Yahoo! in a really long and boring bit about franchising NASCAR teams. Statements like this just piss me off. One of the things they were saying is how half of the THIRTY-FOUR RACES that NASCAR has had this year were won by one team. How can they liken their predicament to F1? NASCAR has like 43 car field per race from about 20 full time teams and there are 8 part time.

Sure, the best funded teams win, that's just the way it is... in ANY SPORT, especially if the sport involves a machine as well. However, one of the reasons F1 is ruled by a handful of teams are due to the fact that there are only 11 teams in F1, and again, money rules. So in F1 the team with the most money can develop the best car and contract the best drivers where as in NASCAR the vehicles are fucking pigs, using technology from the 1960's in general, so in reality, the best funded teams aren't pissing a boat load of cash towards R&D and are throwing that money mainly to drivers that have skill within their sport, since as much as I think NASCAR is boring as shit to watch, I do understand that from a driver's stand point it is a rather exciting from of racing where emphasis is placed more on skill than car development. So the team(s) that have won the majority of the races this year are doing so because they have the best drivers, not particularly due to the fact that they have the best car. The rich boys always have the best package.

I suppose my point is is that you can put Rubens Barrichello in a Ferrari and he will win some races and challenge for a championship from time to time, while when you stick a Rubens in a Honda, you finish your season with 0 points sometimes. An even better example is Sebastian Vettel who was terribly impressive in his debut race, because he is a good driver in a good car. You then stick the good driver in a not so good car and you can still see the good driver doing impressive things, but the results are different in the end.

Formula One has it's flaws, and is almost as much about the cars (if not more) than it is about the pilots of the cars, but this is just how it is and I'm not complaining. I like the technology. A lot. F1 is all about the perfect package, class, and sophisticated driving techniques. NASCAR is about... I dunno... drinking beer, having a hairy back, and waiting for "The Big One", while on the sporting end it's all about driving rough or dirty in cars that are like tanks, but with no technology on board.

So stop trying to liken these two entities when writing articles about franchising... because it just pisses me off and makes me think less of the NASCAR scribes.