The only thing I didn't mind about Vettel getting back to his winning ways, was that it was nice to hear The Michael Schumacher Song again (German/Italian national anthems) which I have sort of missed. They go together really well. For a long time I thought it was just because I was so used to Schumi winning all the time back in the early 2000's, but we've seen Seb and Lewis win quite a bit over the past few years and their mash ups don't sound nearly as good at The Michael Schumacher Song.

Speaking of good old Michael, I bet the reason Seb didn't do his little jump ON the podium was that such a move is probably trademarked by the 7 time champion.

I hope Fernando Alonso feels like a real jackass right about now. It would be one thing is Vettel was winning again in a Red Bull, but it is another thing that he is literally doing it in Fern's old ride. Alonso might not have been winning titles in that Ferrari, but he was always pretty competitive bar last year (but who was, other than Mercedes?) and should have had a bit more patience and just stayed put. It wasn't like he was under appreciated and inadequately compensated. I mean, maybe he'll win a title in the McLaren, but I doubt he'll stick around long enough for that engine to become competitive. That just seems to be the kind of guy he is. Always jumping around, landing in the wrong place at the wrong time in stop-gap cars.

As much as I appreciate Alonso and am sick of Vettel, I do respect Seb and am sorta kinda looking forward to seeing what Fernando can or can not do with this pig called a McLaren-Honda.

(AFP Photo/MANAN VATSYAYANA)

Lewis Hamilton, Throwing The Hammer Down!

True to my word, I have revived this blog, as Sebastian Vettel is no longer the reigning Formula 1 World Champion.

Once it became clear early on in the season that one of the Mercedes drivers was going to be WDC I found it hard to decide whom to pull for. While I've never disputed his speed or talent, Hamilton has often rubbed me the wrong way in the past, so early on I was leaning towards supporting Rosberg. Though as time wore on, between Lewis' undeniably awesome drives and Nico's continual devolution from a seemingly intelligent, well thought, racing driver to a rather smarmy, mildly desperate, best-of-the-rest racer I found myself hoping Hamilton would just embarrass his entitled rich boy teammate.

So in the end, I'm glad Hamilton won, as any other outcome would have been unsatisfactory. However, I am also glad Rosberg ended up losing in style, between refusing to retire his crippled car and then immediately going to congratulate Lewis. Nico definitely upped his stock doing those two things. Maybe if he ups his game, it would even be possible to root for him next year?

The main reason I don't entirely mind the dominance of Mercedes is the fact that it isn't completely one sided like the Red Bull dynasty was. At least Rosberg is winning races, consistently landing on the podium, staying in touch with his teammate, and generally making decent starts. Though that last start of Nico's looked like he was visited by the ghost of Mark Webber.

It was really satisfying seeing Vettel squirm this year in his Red Bull. If Ricciardo hadn't won a handful of races, it would be have been easy to forgive him and just say that he didn't have a car that could do the job, much like Alonso's Ferrari, but alas, we know that while Red Bull were beaten, the RB10 was in fact capable of winning races. I tell you, Ricciardo won a lot of fans that day he scored his maiden victory and kept on gaining more fans every time he bested Seb.

Another thing I was really glad to see was Williams' return to competitiveness. Years ago when I first started getting into F1, for some reason they became the British team I supported. I've stuck by them over the past decade, so it was nice seeing Bottas and little old Felipe up on the podium more often than not.

Speaking of Williams, you have no clue how happy I was to see that stupid turd Pastor Maldonado languish in that piece of shit Renault. While I kind of felt for Grosjean, I'm still pissed at him for fucking Alonso out of the 2012 title... Seriously though, I can't wait till Pastor's oil money dries up and he is out of F1. I have never disliked an F1 driver as much as I deplore him!

The only things I disliked about this season were the horrendous sound of the cars and Bianchi's accident.

Respect Yer Elders!

I can’t fucking believe Vettel tinkled on Sir Jackie Stewart! 

That kid has some balls on him!

Seb is lucky Sir Jackie didn’t just cock-punch him right then and there up on the podium in front of everyone.

Jackie is a classy guy though. He knew this would cause Sebastian to start crying like a little bitch, cos the two time world champion from Heppenheim squirts tears pretty much at the drop of a hat.

These tears would have been red were his nads crushed by the fist of Scottish Justice!

Niki Lauda

This piece on Lauda is from 04/06/05



Nikolaus Andreas Lauda. That's the guy my old man named me after. He won the Driver's World Championship in 75, 77, and 84. I'm guessing he would have also won in 1976, but on the second lap of the race at the Nurburgring in 1976, he gained his place in the annals of racing history not only as a guy who drove his car well, but also as that guy "who should have died, but didn't, and only got his face burnt off".

This occured when his Ferrari suffered a mechanical failure, crashing into the embankment of the track causing his nice car to burst into flames, spinning into the middle of the track facing on coming traffic. Adding insult to injury Niki was then hit head on by another car.

After the second impact the car decided to burn even heavier... and Lauda just chilled in this mess all unconscious. Eventually he was pulled out by four courageous drivers who probably had no chance of winning the race any how, so why not save a guy on fire? Eventually two track marshals showed up. They would have arrived sooner had they not been off in the woods smoking a spliff. It was assumed that Lauda would be dead by morning cos his shit was all fucked up. While suffering some mean burns on his face, neck, and arms, and having some broken ribs, he was given his last rites at hospital. He wasn't expected to die because of the burns, but rather his lungs were completely scorched from inhaling the toxic fumes of the burning gasoline. His car was loaded up on fuel to the max; much like a jumbo jet headed for the twin towers because the Nurburgring was a majestic 16 mile long road circuit flowing through the German forrest (these days the longest track is the wonderful Spa circuit, clocking in at 4.34 miles) It was the last time the race was held at the original Nurburgring, because people were so appalled over the amount of time it took for help to come to him. Jackie Stewart had been saying for years that the track was insane and unsafe, but apparently his claims fell on deaf ears.


(Lauda quietly burning in his car)

Amazingly Lauda did not die. The doctors said there was no logical reason as to why he survived. Though they later admitted that they were also pretty good and drunk on Absinthe when his poor charred ass was hauled in, and that they didn't give him very good care cos they thought he was a goner any how, so they just got him geeked on morphine. It was said that he survived only by sheer force of will. Niki returned to the cockpit a mere six weeks after his accident. As previously stated, I think he would have won the 1976 championship but in the last race of the sesaon at Mt. Fuji, Japan there was a monsoon and the driving conditions were pure insanity. Having just escaped death 6 weeks prior, along with having trouble blinking due to his eyelids mostly being burned off, he pulled in to the pits after the third lap of the race and said "Screw you guys, I'm going home!". With this action he effectively handed his championship to his pal James Hunt. However, you've got to give the guy credit saying he missed three races on the account of almost dying yet only lost the championship by 1 point. Quite a valiant effort on the bucktoothed Austrian's part, you must admit.

(Lauda post accident after the wounds had healed)

Niki started his career using loans he was able to secure on account of his family's affluence in Austria. His father was a very successful man, owning a paper mill or some such shit. He wasn't very lucky in his racing pursuits at first and many people wrote him off as a rich playboy even though his family were providing him with no funds. The poor fellar was actually sort of disowned for a period because his family was so against his need for speed.

Eventually he entered March F1's Buy-a-ride program in 1971 and could do nothing with the car because it didn't work. It was purely a badly engineered piece of machinery and all he ended up with was a crummy T-shirt. He made mention of this fact to his team principals; that the car was a pig and had absolutley no potential of producing results. They scoffed at him (years later it was found that the 1971 March F1 car really was in fact a pile of afterbirth) He was happily written off in most circles in F1 as a no talent waster. In 1973 he weaseled his way into a BRM yet again as a pay driver. At this point he was nearly bankrupt considering he was almost a million pounds in debt. Luckily, this time he had a semi-decent drive and was able to prove he had some worth. BRM paid his old debts for him in exchange for 2 years of service.

Enzo Ferrari took notice this Lauda's showings and was hungry for a driver that could produce results as Ferari had not had a champion since 1964. So Ferrari paid Lauda a heaping sum of money, most of which Lauda gave right back to BRM so he could get out of his contract and started driving the Ferrari.

There was one problem though. While Ferrari was Ferrari, the fine Italian manufacturer wasn't quite at the top of their game in the mid 1970's and the car they gave Niki was yet again a piece of shit. Lauda (who at this point was getting tired of being given mechanically retarded cars) went straight to good old Enzo and stated this very fact, which was an incredibly ballsy thing to do. One just did not talk to Il Commendatore (meaning "The Knight" which Enzo was known as... though Lauda generally refered to him as "The Old Man") like that. While it initially infuriated Enzo, he eventually came to respect that one of his drivers said "This car is a piece of shit, but I intend to make it a winner"

And Lauda did make that car a winner in 1975

Then his face burnt off in 1976

In 1977 he regained his crown with two races left in the season, then promptly quit Ferrari as a form of revenge (Enzo was thinking of replacing him, because Ferrari thought Lauda had lost his balls after his accident in August of 76) and joined Brabham Alfa Romeo, then quit the sport all together mid season in 1979 because he got "tired of driving in circles"

With his time freed up from F1 obligations he started his own airline, Lauda Air, as a result of his infatuation with death, flying, and some poor service he recieved while traveling his country's national air carrier.

In 1982 his airline was experiencing some financial difficulty so he went back to racing to get his company some easy money considering he had the skills to pay the bills. McLaren was the team that provided the car and one must say it was a shrewed move on Ron Dennis' part to bring back a guy that had been out of the game for a number of years, considering since Lauda left Formula One the Turbo Age had gone in to full swing.

In 1984 he once again won the drivers crown for the final time, and quit for good in 1985. But he never really left racing. Only as a driver.

The man had a mind like a computer when it came to piloting a motor car and a dark humor about him. Once when a journalist mentioned to him that he was not credited as starting the Nurburgring Grand Prix in August, 1976, being it had to be restarted due to his heavy crash, he casually quipped "Well what the fuck happened to my ear then?"

When he joined Mclaren F1 in 1982 he was purportedly paid $5 million dollars. At this point in time that was the largest amount of money ever paid to a racer. While negotiating the deal with the Mclaren accountants he told them "I'm only charging you guys $1 for my services as a driver. The rest is for my personality"


(Lauda at Nurburgring in 1975, a place where cars always caught mad air in the dark days of aerodynamics)

Once his racing career was over he held a position as a consultant at Ferrari and later headed the Jaguar team for a season after Bobby Rahal (who was born right down the street from me in good old Medina, OH) has his hand at the team.

Sadly American boardroom politics pushed him out of that role and now Mr. Lauda provides F1 commentary which is often quoted. I always get a laugh when I see a headline proclaiming "_____ is a shitty driver" as he's usually spot on the button.