Niki Lauda

This piece on Lauda is from 04/06/05



Nikolaus Andreas Lauda. That's the guy my old man named me after. He won the Driver's World Championship in 75, 77, and 84. I'm guessing he would have also won in 1976, but on the second lap of the race at the Nurburgring in 1976, he gained his place in the annals of racing history not only as a guy who drove his car well, but also as that guy "who should have died, but didn't, and only got his face burnt off".

This occured when his Ferrari suffered a mechanical failure, crashing into the embankment of the track causing his nice car to burst into flames, spinning into the middle of the track facing on coming traffic. Adding insult to injury Niki was then hit head on by another car.

After the second impact the car decided to burn even heavier... and Lauda just chilled in this mess all unconscious. Eventually he was pulled out by four courageous drivers who probably had no chance of winning the race any how, so why not save a guy on fire? Eventually two track marshals showed up. They would have arrived sooner had they not been off in the woods smoking a spliff. It was assumed that Lauda would be dead by morning cos his shit was all fucked up. While suffering some mean burns on his face, neck, and arms, and having some broken ribs, he was given his last rites at hospital. He wasn't expected to die because of the burns, but rather his lungs were completely scorched from inhaling the toxic fumes of the burning gasoline. His car was loaded up on fuel to the max; much like a jumbo jet headed for the twin towers because the Nurburgring was a majestic 16 mile long road circuit flowing through the German forrest (these days the longest track is the wonderful Spa circuit, clocking in at 4.34 miles) It was the last time the race was held at the original Nurburgring, because people were so appalled over the amount of time it took for help to come to him. Jackie Stewart had been saying for years that the track was insane and unsafe, but apparently his claims fell on deaf ears.


(Lauda quietly burning in his car)

Amazingly Lauda did not die. The doctors said there was no logical reason as to why he survived. Though they later admitted that they were also pretty good and drunk on Absinthe when his poor charred ass was hauled in, and that they didn't give him very good care cos they thought he was a goner any how, so they just got him geeked on morphine. It was said that he survived only by sheer force of will. Niki returned to the cockpit a mere six weeks after his accident. As previously stated, I think he would have won the 1976 championship but in the last race of the sesaon at Mt. Fuji, Japan there was a monsoon and the driving conditions were pure insanity. Having just escaped death 6 weeks prior, along with having trouble blinking due to his eyelids mostly being burned off, he pulled in to the pits after the third lap of the race and said "Screw you guys, I'm going home!". With this action he effectively handed his championship to his pal James Hunt. However, you've got to give the guy credit saying he missed three races on the account of almost dying yet only lost the championship by 1 point. Quite a valiant effort on the bucktoothed Austrian's part, you must admit.

(Lauda post accident after the wounds had healed)

Niki started his career using loans he was able to secure on account of his family's affluence in Austria. His father was a very successful man, owning a paper mill or some such shit. He wasn't very lucky in his racing pursuits at first and many people wrote him off as a rich playboy even though his family were providing him with no funds. The poor fellar was actually sort of disowned for a period because his family was so against his need for speed.

Eventually he entered March F1's Buy-a-ride program in 1971 and could do nothing with the car because it didn't work. It was purely a badly engineered piece of machinery and all he ended up with was a crummy T-shirt. He made mention of this fact to his team principals; that the car was a pig and had absolutley no potential of producing results. They scoffed at him (years later it was found that the 1971 March F1 car really was in fact a pile of afterbirth) He was happily written off in most circles in F1 as a no talent waster. In 1973 he weaseled his way into a BRM yet again as a pay driver. At this point he was nearly bankrupt considering he was almost a million pounds in debt. Luckily, this time he had a semi-decent drive and was able to prove he had some worth. BRM paid his old debts for him in exchange for 2 years of service.

Enzo Ferrari took notice this Lauda's showings and was hungry for a driver that could produce results as Ferari had not had a champion since 1964. So Ferrari paid Lauda a heaping sum of money, most of which Lauda gave right back to BRM so he could get out of his contract and started driving the Ferrari.

There was one problem though. While Ferrari was Ferrari, the fine Italian manufacturer wasn't quite at the top of their game in the mid 1970's and the car they gave Niki was yet again a piece of shit. Lauda (who at this point was getting tired of being given mechanically retarded cars) went straight to good old Enzo and stated this very fact, which was an incredibly ballsy thing to do. One just did not talk to Il Commendatore (meaning "The Knight" which Enzo was known as... though Lauda generally refered to him as "The Old Man") like that. While it initially infuriated Enzo, he eventually came to respect that one of his drivers said "This car is a piece of shit, but I intend to make it a winner"

And Lauda did make that car a winner in 1975

Then his face burnt off in 1976

In 1977 he regained his crown with two races left in the season, then promptly quit Ferrari as a form of revenge (Enzo was thinking of replacing him, because Ferrari thought Lauda had lost his balls after his accident in August of 76) and joined Brabham Alfa Romeo, then quit the sport all together mid season in 1979 because he got "tired of driving in circles"

With his time freed up from F1 obligations he started his own airline, Lauda Air, as a result of his infatuation with death, flying, and some poor service he recieved while traveling his country's national air carrier.

In 1982 his airline was experiencing some financial difficulty so he went back to racing to get his company some easy money considering he had the skills to pay the bills. McLaren was the team that provided the car and one must say it was a shrewed move on Ron Dennis' part to bring back a guy that had been out of the game for a number of years, considering since Lauda left Formula One the Turbo Age had gone in to full swing.

In 1984 he once again won the drivers crown for the final time, and quit for good in 1985. But he never really left racing. Only as a driver.

The man had a mind like a computer when it came to piloting a motor car and a dark humor about him. Once when a journalist mentioned to him that he was not credited as starting the Nurburgring Grand Prix in August, 1976, being it had to be restarted due to his heavy crash, he casually quipped "Well what the fuck happened to my ear then?"

When he joined Mclaren F1 in 1982 he was purportedly paid $5 million dollars. At this point in time that was the largest amount of money ever paid to a racer. While negotiating the deal with the Mclaren accountants he told them "I'm only charging you guys $1 for my services as a driver. The rest is for my personality"


(Lauda at Nurburgring in 1975, a place where cars always caught mad air in the dark days of aerodynamics)

Once his racing career was over he held a position as a consultant at Ferrari and later headed the Jaguar team for a season after Bobby Rahal (who was born right down the street from me in good old Medina, OH) has his hand at the team.

Sadly American boardroom politics pushed him out of that role and now Mr. Lauda provides F1 commentary which is often quoted. I always get a laugh when I see a headline proclaiming "_____ is a shitty driver" as he's usually spot on the button.