Edge of seat announcement... or not?

So it looks quite likely that tomorrow the Lotus name in F1 will be revived with two guys I like quite a bit but always let me down. Of course I am talking about the speed demon of qualifying and slow poke of the race as well as being owner of the thickest neck in F1, Mr. Jarno Trulli. Purportedly the other man is a fellow with whom I share a birthday and is the proud owner of the biggest head (physically, not metaphorically) in Formula 1, Finland's sole Fin left in the sport (as of the time of this writing) Mr. Heikki Kovalainen.

I am excited, as I am a vintage Lotus F1 lover. I can now proudly wear my old brass Lotus belt buckle not just as a fan of their fine ugly little road cars but also as a Formula 1 team enthusiast. While I don't expect much out of the team I do hope they aren't the slowest of the lot next year. I would like to bequeath that honor to Virgin F1 because Richard Branson is a cheap-ass-rich-man-hippie. I actually like Branson just fine but hope he gets what he pays for as he got lucky last year sponsoring the underdog as he so often likes to state.

Now what I really would appreciate the most of all things F1 related would be a statement released by Mercedes GP or the Michael Schumacher camp that was notarized by a notary public declaring either he has in fact been released from contract by Ferrari, declared fit by a doctor to race, and has indeed signed a new 1 year contract to race Mercedes super all German Nazi rocket sleighs OR can not get out of his Ferrari contract, is still not fit to race, and no longer cares to think about racing F1 cars any longer.

Just give me one or the other. I don't want to wait any more. I've already been teased by a Schumi return once this year and gotten over it. Stop dangling this frotting carrot in front of my face already!