Follow Kimi!

I bet the only person who wasn't surprised by todays race was the guy who scripted it... so I suppose that would be God. Even the most jaded F1 pundits had to be left in awe. I'm sure the most amazed person of all was Kimi himself. Before the race he was saying how it was damn near impossible to bag the championship, but still worth trying for. Obviously this paid off.



Kimi owes Lewis Hamilton a big thank you! For if Hamilton had kept his head instead of trying to prove that he's better than Alonso, Little Black Boy Wonder would probably be champion, as he didn't need to win the race. He could have finished fifth or something and still walked away with the crown. Instead he had something to prove to himself, for I don't think anybody else felt he had anything to prove considering he's had such a great season and proved he is a super star racing driver. The announcers were calling his move on Alonso a rookie mistake, but I beg to differ. It was just stupid. If there ever was a rookie mistake, it was when he beached himself in China. What he did today was beyond that. It was plain foolish!

While I didn't want Hamilton to win, I felt bad that he had that mechanical problem. I wanted him to lose due to his own insolence, such as he demonstrated into the first corner not because Kimi's old McLaren luck found Lewis.

Conversely, nor was I rooting for Alonso. The guy has two championships, will probably bag a few more, and was kind of an asshole this season. He deserved to lose. Kimi deserved to win, if only because he had such piss poor reliability during his stay at McLaren. It would have been cruel if either McLaren won the driver's championship this year, though I feel they should have gotten the constructor's championship. However, I'm so done with the Spy-gate shit.

From here I hope the press hounds Kimi. We know the guy likes to party. He used to get drunk a lot. Sometimes he would fall down. Occasionally he would whip out his dick. You *KNOW* he's gonna be rocking out with his cock out and while I don't really care to see his Finnish dingle-dangle, I want to be reading some good stories of Kimi celebrating. Hell, if Schumacher can trash some rooms after winning a sixth championship, then Kimi with his first championship can burn something down or do something equally awesome!

Next, it's a good thing that the season is over and Ron Dennis' rule of no alcohol unless it's from a bottle of Mumm on the podium can be lifted, since I'm sure everybody at McLaren need a good shit-facing after the season they have had. Lewis will be nursing a forty of King Cobra for sure, since he threw away a championship. Alonso has just had a tough season in general and will probably be slurping down some sangría and I'm sure Ron Dennis will be buy a boat load of New Castle for himself and the rest of the team to drown in. Everybody at McLaren need a drink right about now!

Lastly, Felipe Massa, poor guy. The Ferrari number two that knows his place all too well. Sure, he had no hopes of championship glory today, but he wanted to win his home race and sure could have. But no, he wasn't allowed. Obviously, with in good reason was he not allowed to win the race, yet still. How sad. You could tell the poor fellow was near tears in the interview room and in a rare show of emotion, we saw Kimi pat his team mate on the back when the small Brazilian was on the verge of breaking down. He will probably end up like Rubens. But I hope not.

I shall reflect more on the season later, but now I must go to work and teach teenagers how to drive.

Enjoy your drinks everybody!

You must love Microsoft Paint!

I've been really busy as of late, nor has there been anything in F1 news that I care to poke fun at or philosophize about. So I will just post this:



Seriously, doesn't that guy look like a fuckin' zombie in that picture?! If anybody can tell me who he is and what his function at Ferrari is, I would appreciate it because I have always been curious as to whom that poor man was who happened to get a picture taken of him while it appeared that he was a zombie and hungry for human brain.

I wonder what he normally looks like?

So long, you tall bastard!*

So Alex Wurz is retiring from racing immediately, not even bothering to finish the last race of the season. How unprofessional! I'm assuming this was Sir Frank's gift to Alex, letting him say he's done quit and thru with racing, preferring to spend the rest of the season at home with his new child who was born on the 30'th of September while Alex was out racing in Japan. Yeah right. If that were the case he would have retired the week of the Japanese GP. Everybody knew he wasn't going to be back next year considering Alex hasn't had the best season, or best career for that matter. So for the last race of 2007 Williams will be testing a potential seat filler for 2008. I think he is sticking around as a tester, which is a job he enjoys and is lauded to be very good at. The old boy is just done with active racing. I for one will miss him. Alex has a great personality and retention of his soul. Both of these things are missing from most F1 drivers, the slow and the fast. It would have been nice to see Alex race another season. I strongly doubt Williams are going to make the much needed massive step forward to return them back to title contention next year, so having Wurz racing wouldn't have hindered any thing from that stand point. I mean this year he has scored 13 points to Nico Rosberg's 15 and Nico is one hot piece of property... not to mention a very fine looking young man. That's only a two point difference between a guy touted as being a future world champion and an old gray toothed racer. Sure, Rosberg has been more consistent scoring points in 6 races, while Wurz only bagged points in 3 races, but Alex's hauls have been much greater. I think that says a bit of something... though consistency is very important in F1. Still, it would have been nice to see Alex in a race seat for one more year. I think next year he would have done much better since Williams are slowly improving and Alex would have regained his racing chops. Oh well. What's done is done and I wish everybody involved the best of luck.



The same deal went down with Ralf. We all know Ralfie wasn't even offered a contract for next year. He didn't quit. So Toyota was nice too I suppose. But Ralf has just been a huge let down period, little Schuey or not. The thing I will miss about Ralf is his grasp of the English language. Of all the guys that are English as a second language students, Ralf has owned the paddock for quite some time as the most polished speaker... and I greatly respect that, since I'm American and we all know that American's greatly dislike people that don't speak the language well if they are surrounded by it. Actually, we just hate Mexicans. But that's another batch of biscuits.

I really wish Wurz had retired in Japan just so I could have titled this entry "Wurz says: Konichiwa, Bitches!"


* Wurz is 6'1"

You can't hold the Vettel down!

After having his ten position grid penalty lifted for hitting Mark The Web in the arse at the Japanese GP the FIA decided to give almost the same penalty back to young Seb for slowing up Heikki Kovalainen during qualifying. This time though they were kind enough to only shit-can him five places. I think the FIA stewards just wanted to see if they could make Sebastian cry again. Those cruel bastards! Yet Vettel overcame and stormed from 17'th to 4'th in that piece of shit known as the STR. They have always said rain is the great equalizer and time and again it proves to be the case. Just like in Japan Vettel was right up there with the big boys, luckily this time he was rewarded for his heroic stomping of the field. After the race the young man had no words, just howls of happiness, though in all honesty it sounded like he'd got his foot caught in a bear trap.

Lewis Hamilton's tires wore away and he ended up beaching himself in a gravel trap down the pit lane entry. I couldn't believe my eyes. While I'm not a massive Hamilton supporter, I was just amazed this had happened to him. The guy has Michael Schumacher type luck, and is one hell of a driver as well... so to see him slide off the pit entrance and beach himself was just astonishing. Once I'd seen his race was over, I couldn't help but laugh out loud for a good few minutes. Not that I wished bad luck to fall upon him, but seeing Alonso drive past his crippled team mate just made me lose it. I can only imagine Fernando's thoughts when he came across that sight. The Fern was talking about how only a miracle could keep his title hopes alive, and one happened. Just amazing.

While I don't care who wins the championship this year, I'm glad it is finally going down to the last race. While it would be cool to see Lewis win and become the first rookie champion, it'd also be funny to see Fernie win because everybody at McLaren hates him, lastly, I personally would like to see Kimi win it. I honestly feel bad for The Kimster. While at McLaren his cars always broke. Now the ever reliable Ferrari is giving him shit, granted, not as much as when he was racing the silver arrows, but still, it's breaking on him. Some say that this is Kimi's fault as he whomps the shit out of his cars like a drunk hillbilly does to his step children... but still, these cars are meant to be driven hard and Ferrari should be giving him something he can really beat on. We've seen the amazing things Kimi has done by driving his cars hard. Raikkonen has produced more awesome passes and mechanical failures in recent years than any other driver. The guy is an exciting driver and I'd like to see him win it after waiting all these years. We all know Hamilton is gonna be a many times over world champion... so I hope Kimi catches it this year. Just like I hoped Schumi would win it last year... and because I'm wishing all of this Hamilton will win, but I already knew that.

Timo's Glock

My question as to whom Toyota will replace Ralf Schumacher with seems to have been answered. While watching live coverage of the Chinese Friday practice around 3am, Peter Windsor said that Timo Glock would be Jarno Truli's new buddy. I hope this is the driver that Toyota have been looking for. In his first GP with Jordan in 2004 he got a point, albeit due to the fact that the Williams and Toyota's were disqualified, getting a Jordan to P11 is still pretty good. Timo won Rookie of the Year award in Champ Car in 2005 and this year won the GP2 Championship, furthering the fact that if you win the GP2 title you'll get snapped up by an F1 team. I'm assuming he isn't a pay driver any more considering Toyota is the most flush-with-cash team on the grid.

In other Chinese news Lewis Hamilton was cleared of any wrong doing in Japan. This is nice. What I'm most pleased about though is that Seb Vettel's 10 place grid penalty got wiped. All he had to do was bust out some more crocodile tears and the stewards couldn't help but revoke his grid penalty! In reality, that's not the case. It was a silly penalty to give out considering the horrid conditions out there and while it was a real big shame that he fucked up his and The Web's race, I truly think it was a racing incident in the extreme wet maybe or maybe not partially caused by Lew's mildly erratic driving behind the safety car. HOWEVER, as Lewis was the leader, it was up to him how he chose to control the pace of his car and the duty of the cars behind him to adjust accordingly. Not Hamilton's fault if they couldn't adjust quick enough.

Lew's Looming Championship

By the looks of things Lewis Hamilton will probably tie up all the loose ends in China and secure his unprecedented first black, rookie, youngest championship. While I'm neither for it nor against it, for some tiny reason I can't help but feel bad for Alonso. Emo Fittipaldi held the record as the youngest guy to win a world championship for 33 years. Alonso took that record, but only got to hold it for 2 years. I guess that's what you get for being a dick and helping get your employers chucked out of the constructors championship, along with a $100 million dollar fine. Obviously what goes around comes around, but I still feel a little sorry for Alonso.

He had that image of a nice boy that could race fast and beat a Michael Schumacher. Then he moves to McLaren for "a new challenge" and a boat load more money, expecting to own the place and it just didn't work out. Now he looks like a huge asshole, and isn't even going to win himself a championship. I'm not even sure why I feel any sympathy, I just do. Not much, but a smidge.

The thing to be learned from all of this is to see how Lewis Hamilton evolves over the years. Right now he is the nice, gregarious, gap toothed rookie that everybody loves. Will he too become a snake in a few years time, if he isn't already? I wonder. If for some strange reason Lewis suffers a career ending crash maybe he should go in to politics, since I must say I'm quite impressed with how he wrangled McLaren this year and was able to mind fuck a two time world champion (and this is all AFTER being impressed with his quality drives)

Another person I feel sorry for is Ralf Schumacher. His brother is Michael. That's pretty much all one has to say about that. Ralfie is out of Toyota at the end of the year, and I'll be suprised if he pops up with another team, so next year may be the first Schumacherless year since 1991. The guy has 6 wins in his 10 year career, which is not too bad at all. But then you think about his older brother with his 91 wins in 15 years and your opinion of Ralf drops considerably. It is arguable to say that with out big brother Ralf would have never gotten a drive, but he did, and overall, did not do too horribly. I mean, Ralf is number 33 on the lists of most wins. Obviously Michael is at the top of that list. So the guy should be cut some slack, cos he's not a bad racer, he just is a bad racer compared to the greatest of the modern era, which so happens to be his brother.

I'm curious to see who Toyota picks up to fill Ralf's seat and how well the newbie does, considering Toyota has been in F1 since 2002 and have done a whole lot of nothing. I'm hoping they get their shit together, as I'd like to see the world's largest auto maker be a little more competitive... but at this point I don't see that happening, though I hope I'm wrong.

I'd Cry Too!

That there Japanese Grand Prix was a wacky one! I'd never seen a F1 race started behind the Safety Car before and I imagine quite a few other people had not either, considering it has only happened four times in F1 history.

Overall it was quite an impressive race. All of the drivers, over and under paid earned their dollars considering the conditions were atrocious! I was really thrilled to see Sebastian Vettel leading the race at one point knowing that he'd be standing on the podium. Then he took out The Web of Mark. Oh man. My heart sank!

After the accident happened they showed a guy in the garage who was clearly distressed. For a moment I thought it was a mechanic or something but then I noticed the HANS Device and realized it was poor little 20 year old Vettel quietly weeping in his garage. But I'm not here to make fun of him, considering I would have been weeping as well had I lost myself and a sister team mate podium positions.

While the main reason Sebastian was probably keeping his helmet on was to muffle his cries of distress, he was probably also weary that Franz Tost was going to physically accost him much as he did to Scott Speed when Speed pulled a boner in wet conditions, and here was the man who replaced Speed causing a much greater problem in the wet. I'd be afraid of Tost too!

Poor Sebastian. To make matters worse, he gets a penalty from the FIA for the next race. Vettel's team mate Liuzzi was docked his point for overtaking under yellow. That sucks too, though it is cool a Spyker got the point. Still, jeez. Bad weekend for any team owned by Red Balls. I'm suprised the FIA didn't find a way to shitcan Coulthard's fine fourth place!

Oh what could have been! If Seb hadn't attacked Webber from the rear there could have been two Red Bulls on the podium. DC would still have had his 4'th place and Liuzzi would have had that eighth. I bet that would have been the first time all four Red Bull cars scored in the points!

But hey... it happens.
What, shit?
Yeah.